I hate your face
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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