I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
