She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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