I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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