Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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