tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
