I just made out with a guy for $7.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize