The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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