im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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