Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
