drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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