how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
