The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
