After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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