Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
