I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
