Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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