There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
