____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He passed out mid-signature
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
