just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
