if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
