I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
