Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
