I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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