how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
