You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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