I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize