i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
