Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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