he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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