And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
