How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
