omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
