It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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