dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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