Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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