I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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