I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
