Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
