You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
