God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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