K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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