I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
