I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
