I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
