wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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