Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
