i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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