Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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