my shit smells like andre
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
