she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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