Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
