I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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