my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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