Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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