I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
