I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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