Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
