apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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