he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
