If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
