pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
