I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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