The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME