Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus