The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.