areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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